manhood Week 1: The purpose of pledgeship talk NOTES

June 8, 2016 by admin 0 comments

Week 1: The purpose of pledgeship

Objective:

To understand the difference between living a life of significance vs. success

(Men can make lots of money but do nothing of significance)

To define what a true Manhood looks like

More and more today, our culture is lacking men who understand what it means to be a man.

When do you become a Man?

I have killed more than 100 deer, 40 turkeys and I can prove in a court of Law that I have had sex at least 3 times because I have 3 kids but does that make me a man?

Studies show that when men go to college they are transitioning from childhood to boyhood and they will not mature into adulthood till their late 20’s. This of course delays a lot of qualities that come with manhood.

For the sake of my illustrations today, I want to address you as men, even though our culture today describes you as looking more like will Feral and Adam Sandler

Show the pic or talk about the picture of the flag raising at Iwo Jima. 6 men are seen in the picture, what you may not know is that at the time they raised the flag, 16,000 Japanese soldiers were still on the island. It would take around a month to secure the island and less that 100 would surrender. Only one of the men that raised that flag went on to have a normal life and a healthy family. His name was John Bradley. 3 of the men were killed on the island. One drank himself to death not dealing with all that he had seen. *I am not so concerned about how you began, but how you will finish. How you will finish in college and in life.

Ok So far I have been taking about the problem, here is a solution:

Here is how I define a True Man:

A true man rejects passivity

Accepts responsibility (for himself and others)

Leads courageously

He invests in younger men around him to do the same

A true man rejects passivity

Augustine (3^rd 4^th century Theologian said our natural tendency’s laziness and that we have to overcome laziness to do good.

I give personal example of each point.

More and more we are seeing men act like children and not take responsibility for their actions. Ex. Phi Delt falls down in back yard and his parents sue the chapter and they loose their charter (U of Arkansas)

At UVA, a girl claims to be rapped by several guys in a chapter and the university shut down the entire Greek system pending the investigation.

A real man accepts responsibility for his actions, to take care of his pledge brothers and accepts responsibility to be an active brother one day in this chapter.

A real man leads in this chapter

As you become an upper classman a real man invests in younger men.

But are you becoming the type of man and developing the type of character that can invest in younger men?

What type of man to you want to become? You can not become what you are not becoming. The man you are in college, most likely be the man you are in life.

The 2 lives mentality is a myth. You can not live one way and end up living life another way. My neighborhood is full of upper middle class former Greek guys who thought the same thing and now most of them are on their second and third marriages.

In closing I say:

I want you to be men who live lives of significance

I want you to be men who cherish and protect your wives

I want you to be men who do not look back with shame and regret about college and finally, I want you to be men who finish well.

Remember: What type of man do you want to become? You can not become what you are not becoming

** We divide the pledges into small groups or “squads” and have one to two squad leaders lead a 20 minute discussion after my talk.

Here are some of the questions you can ask:

Why did Isaac stress living a life of significance is more rewarding than a life of success? What do you think he means by that?

What would it look like to reject passivity during pledgeship?

What would it look like to reject passivity in being an active brother in this chapter?

What would it look like to lead courageously in this chapter?

What are a few pitfalls in your life that if you do not work on them or change, they will hamper your ability to invest in the younger guys one day. And may even hamper you in being respected by your brothers?

What about Isaacs’s thoughts on the man you are in college is the man you are in life? Or his thoughts on you can not become what you are not becoming. Agree or disagree?

**Remember, if you are leading a small group, the group will only open up as much as you are willing to be vulnerable. Also, the actives are instructed to tell the pledges that this is a safe environment. What is said in this group stays in this group.

Additional thoughts if you want to add them to the talk:

There have been some key events over the past 200 years that have gotten us into crises of understanding what a real man is and what does he look like.

Authentic manhood.com is the website that promotes the 33 series

The men at 33 identify 3 things that have happened in our past in America and have cultivated our current reality. Racism; Industrial Revolution and the Wars. Two things have resulted Feminism: Girls not trusting men because they have been hurt by them. And one of the most resent results of these things in our culture is producing what scholars are calling Prolonged Adolescence. Men putting off the responsibilities of manhood and living like boys.

Now before I share a definition of manhood and challenge you

I want to address some of the current realities that face us as men in fraternities on today’s campus.

These things were not around 25 years ago:

Video Games: some of us spend hundreds of hour’s weekly playing video games

The Universities are growing more and more tired of the Alcohol abuse in Frat houses and they are beginning to respond accordingly

We have become a society that does not want to take responsibility for his or her actions but hold other individuals or groups responsible
Social Media: The rise of social media is a good thing but can be abused and there are consequences. Ex. Disgruntled sig cut and pasted a post a sig made on a “protected sig site” and posted it publicly. Internet Porn becomes an addiction that we will take into our marriages and it can destroy a marriage and it does destroy the way we view women.

The rise of internet Porn and childish boyish movies have caused us to be more passive in leading women and caused them to feel the pressure to be more aggressive and give their bodies away. This trend has resulted in rise in eating disorders; unwanted pregnancies and a dating “system” that literally destroys our view of a healthy marriage. I have heard it said that porn generates more income than revenue made from all sporting events

I tell frat guys all the time that you can not live like Hell; constantly raise hell and not expect your life to one day be a living Hell. The odds are that your marriage will end in divorce and some one else will raise your kids.

Verse on childhood: Paul

The Universities over all lack of trust in the Greek system. Example: Phi Tau posts advice last week at Georgia Tech about how to get a girl drunk to take advantage of her
Cell phones: They are not bad in of them selves but they can be used by your parents to “helicopter” over you. As men you need to break out from under parental control and become a man
Male Passivity: As men have grown more passive, women in turn have grown more aggressive and throw themselves at us and are willing to even lead men. But this is not how we were created. If women have to lead us then they will grow resentful and not respect us –which is one of our deepest needs

Men, these factors as well as others have led the culture around us today to describe you as boys who are extending adolescence. Even though we live in the most media connected culture in History, studies show that many of you feel isolated, lonely and are afraid to take on the responsibility of being men

Talk one: Defining a Gentleman Small group discussion questions

What would it look like to reject passivity during pledgeship?

What would it look like to reject passivity in being an active brother in this chapter?

What would it look like to lead courageously in this chapter?

Why did Isaac stress living a life of significance is more rewarding than a life of success? What are significant things we can do in this fraternity?

What about Isaacs’s thoughts on the man you are in college is the man you are in life? Or his thoughts on you can not become what you are not becoming. Agree or disagree?