Manhood

https://youtu.be/y0qFe_q1F3M

Week 4: Courtesy and honoring women

 How ought we to treat our brothers?

Eph 4:29 Let know unwholesome word proceed from your mouth but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that give grace to those who hear.

How ought we to treat the women we date?

1 kings 3  Solomon asks God for wisdom and God makes him the wisest man alive

Proverbs 7:1Follow my advice, my son ; always treasure my commands.2Obey my commands and live ! Guard my instructions as you guard your own eyes.  3Tie them on your fingers as a reminder. Write them deep within your heart. 4Love wisdom like a sister; make insight a beloved member of your family.5Let them protect you from an affair with an immoral woman , from listening to the flattery of a promiscuous woman.

6While I was at the window of my house, looking through the curtain,7I saw some naive young men, and one in particular who lacked common sense.8He was crossing the street near the house of an immoral woman, strolling down the path by her house.9It was at twilight, in the evening, as deep darkness fell.10The woman approached him , seductively dressed and sly of heart.11She was the brash, rebellious type, never content to stay at home.12She is often in the streets and markets, soliciting at every corner.13She threw her arms around him and kissed him, and with a brazen look she said, ..15You’re the one I was looking for! I came out to find you, and here you are!16My bed is spread with beautiful blankets ..17I’ve perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon.18Come, let’s drink our fill of love until morning.  Let’s enjoy each other’s caresses,19for my husband is not home. He’s away on a long trip.20He has taken a wallet full of money with him and won’t return until later this month.” 21So she seduced him with her pretty speech and enticed him with her flattery.22He followed her at once, like an ox going to the slaughter.,23awaiting the arrow that would pierce its (Liver). He was like a bird flying into a snare, little knowing it would cost him his life. 24So listen to me, my sons, and pay attention to my words.25Don’t let your hearts stray away toward  her. Don’t wander down her wayward path.26For she has been the ruin of many; many men have been her victims.27Her house is the road to the grave. Her bedroom is the den of death.

Example: Guy gets kicked out of his house for cheating on his wife. Drives buy his wifes house one day and sees a guy walk by in his boxers. –in his old house!

Ex: Auburn guy makes a p7 girl mad

I spoke to kappa pledges at Arkansas they said I was the kind of guy they wanted to marry but not date.  How many  of them are married now? I would bet not many

Lets contrast the Proverbs 7 woman with the Proverbs 31 woman

Proverbs 31:Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies.11Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life.12She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life..15She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household and plan the day’s work for her servant girls. 16She goes to inspect a field and buys it; with her earnings she plants a vineyard.17She is energetic and strong, a hard worker.18She makes sure her dealings are profitable; her lamp burns late into the night.  20She extends a helping hand to the poor and opens her arms to the needy.21She has no fear of winter for her household, for everyone has warm clothes. 23Her husband is well known at the city gates, where he sits with the other civic leaders…  she laughs without fear of the future.26When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness.27She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness. 28Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her:29“There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!” 30Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.

Proverbs 11:32 A beautiful woman who lacks discretion
is like a gold ring in a pig’s snout.
dis·cre·tion

: the right to choose what should be done in a particular situation

: the quality of being careful about what you do and say so that people will not be embarrassed or offended : the quality of being discreet

:  the quality of having or showing discernment or good judgment : cautious reserve in speech

Vasopressin: a hormone that allows us to commit and provide

When we go from woman to woman sexually, we surpress this hormone and it affects our ability to attach to a woman, commit and provide

Proverbs 6: 20 My son, observe the commandment of your father And do not forsake the teaching of your mother; 21 Bind them continually on your heart; Tie them around your neck. 22 When you walk about, they will guide you; When you sleep, they will watch over you; And when you awake, they will talk to you. 23 For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching is light; 24 To keep you from the evil woman, From the smooth tongue of the adulteress. 25 Do not desire her beauty in your heart ,Nor let her capture you with her eyelids. 26 For on account of a harlot one is reduced to a loaf of bread, And an adulteress hunts for the precious life. 27 Can a man take fire in his bosom And his clothes not be burned? 28 Or can a man walk on hot coals And his feet not be scorched? 29 So is the one who goes in to his neighbor’s wife; Whoever touches her will not go unpunished. … 32 The one who commits adultery with a woman is lacking sense; He who would destroy himself does it. 33Wounds and disgrace he will find, And his reproach will not be blotted out.

Proverbs 19:13 and 27:15 A quarrelsome wife is as annoying
as constant dripping on a rainy day

Proverbs 21:9 and 25:24 It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic (roof) than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home.

I am making a bet with  you.  If I am right you will have a good marriag if you take on my challgenge and I am betting that you will not have a good marriage if you dont

2 Samuel 11:1 In the spring, at the time when kings go off to war, David sent Joab out with the king’s men and the whole Israelite army. They destroyed the Ammonites and besieged Rabbah. But David remained in Jerusalem.

² One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, ³ and David sent someone to find out about her. The man said, “She is Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite.” ⁴ Then David sent messengers to get her. She came to him, and he slept with her. (Now she was purifying herself from her monthly uncleanness.) Then she went back home. ⁵ The woman conceived and sent word to David, saying, “I am pregnant.”

⁶ So David sent this word to Joab: “Send me Uriah the Hittite.” And Joab sent him to David.

Psalm 32: When I refused to confess my sin,
my body wasted away,
and I groaned all day long.
⁴ Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me.
My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat.

⁵ Finally, I confessed all my sins to you
and stopped trying to hide my guilt.
I said to myself, “I will confess my rebellion to the Lord.”
And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone.

Jim Jones Massacre Date: November 18, 1978

Don’t think that it is ok to do something just because everyone is doing it around you.

But you may say to yourself: Isaac, Look at TV and the movies

Isaac, I have needs and God wants me to meet those needs and be happy

What if God is more concerned about your holiness than your happiness?

I know a woman that was caught in an affair with a man, the kids wrote her a letter

1. Find men who will keep you accountable and speak truth into your life
2. Bring a girl home more holier than when you picked her up
3. Are becoming the type of man that would deserve a P 31 woman?
4. ex of ant killer just because everyone around you is doing it doesn’t mean its good for you.
5. Jim Jones massacre

Historical Importance of the Jonestown Massacre: The Jonestown Massacre, which had a death toll of 918 people, was the most deadly single non-natural disaster in U.S. history until September 11, 2001. The Jonestown Massacre also remains the only time in history in which a U.S. congressman was killed in the line of duty.

Discussion questions:

Agree or disagree: If you regularly spend time with the P7 type of women, there is a high probability that you will end up marrying that type of women. You marry the type of people you date.

How do you think a marriage to a P7 type girl will pan out?

Proverbs 31:23 Her husband is well known at the city gates, where he sits with the other civic leaders…

What can we be doing to become this type of man now?

How does having a high sense of honor and a deep sense of personal responsibility play out in the way we treat women.  Explain

Discussion questions:

Agree or disagree: If you regularly spend time with the P7 type of women, there is a high probability that you will end up marrying that type of women. You marry the type of people you date.

How do you think a marriage to a P7 type girl will pan out?

Proverbs 31:23 Her husband is well known at the city gates, where he sits with the other civic leaders…

What can we be doing to become this type of man now?

How does having a high sense of honor and a deep sense of personal responsibility play out in the way we treat women.  Explain

Discussion questions:

Agree or disagree: If you regularly spend time with the P7 type of women, there is a high probability that you will end up marrying that type of women. You marry the type of people you date.

How do you think a marriage to a P7 type girl will end up and why

How does having a high sense of honor and a deep sense of personal responsibility play out in the way we treat women.  Explain

Of the different examples of men that Isaac talked about, which one stuck out more?

Proverbs 31:23 Her husband is well known at the city gates, where he sits with the other civic leaders…

What can we be doing to become this type of man now?

Week 3: Learning as an ideal

Growing in Character and Integrity

Objectives of the talk:

A man of character is one who does the right thing when everyone is watching;

And when no one is watching and he says the right thing as well.

Who are you when everyone is watching: Story of Easy Eddie

Who are you when no one is watching: Story of Butch O’ Hare

Many years ago, Al Capone virtually owned Chicago. Capone wasn’t famous for anything
heroic. He was*notorious for enmeshing the windy city in everything from bootlegged booze and prostitution to murder.

Capone had a lawyer nicknamed “Easy Eddie.” He was Capone’s lawyer for a good reason. Eddie was
very good! In fact, Eddie’s skill at legal maneuvering kept Big Al out of jail for a long time.
To show his appreciation, Capone paid him very well. Not only was the money big, but Eddie got special dividends, as well. For instance, he and his family occupied a fenced-in mansion with live-in help and all of the conveniences of the day. The estate was so large that it filled an entire Chicago City block. Eddie lived the high life of the Chicago*mob and gave little consideration to the atrocity that went on around him.

Eddie did have one soft spot, however. He had a son that he loved dearly. Eddie saw to it that his young son had clothes, cars, and a good education. Nothing was withheld. Price was no object. And, despite his involvement with organized crime, Eddie even tried to teach him right from wrong. Eddie wanted his son to be a better man than he was. Yet, with all his wealth and influence, there were two things he couldn’t give his son; he couldn’t pass on a good name or a good example.

One day, Easy Eddie reached a difficult decision. Easy Eddie wanted to rectify wrongs he had done. He decided he would go to the authorities and tell the truth about Al “Scarface” Capone, clean up his tarnished name, and offer his son some semblance of integrity. To do this, he would have to testify against The Mob, and he knew that the cost would be great. So, he testified. Within the year, Easy Eddie’s life ended in a blaze of gunfire on a lonely Chicago Street. But in his eyes, he had given his son the greatest gift he had to offer, at the greatest price he could ever pay Police removed from his pockets a rosary, a crucifix, a religious medallion, and a poem clipped from a magazine.
*The poem read:

“The clock of life is wound but once, and no man has the power to tell just when the hands will stop, at late or early hour. Now is the only time you own. Live, love, toil with a will. Place no faith in time.* For the clock may soon be still.”
Easy eddie chose to change his character: Doing right when everyone is watching

STORY NUMBER TWO

World War II produced many heroes. One such man was Lieutenant Commander Butch O’Hare. He was a fighter pilot assigned to the aircraft carrier Lexington in the South Pacific. One day his entire squadron was sent on a mission. After he was airborne, he looked at his fuel gauge and realized that someone had forgotten to top off his fuel tank. He would not have enough fuel to complete his mission and get back to his ship. His flight leader told him to return to the carrier. Reluctantly, he dropped out of formation and headed back to the fleet. As he was returning to the mother ship, he saw something that turned his blood cold; a squadron of Japanese aircraft was speeding its way toward the American fleet. The American fighters were gone on a sortie, and the fleet was all but defenseless.* He couldn’t reach his squadron and bring them back in time to save the fleet. Nor could he warn the fleet of the approaching danger. There was only one thing to do. He must somehow divert them from the fleet.

Laying aside all thoughts of personal safety, he dove into the formation of Japanese planes. Wing-mounted 50 caliber’s blazed as he charged in, attacking one surprised enemy plane and then another. Butch wove in and out of the now broken formation and fired at as many planes as possible until all his ammunition was finally spent. Undaunted, he continued the assault. He dove at the planes, trying to clip a wing or tail in hopes of damaging as many enemy planes as possible, rendering them unfit to fly. Finally, the exasperated Japanese squadron took off in another direction. Deeply relieved, Butch O’Hare and his tattered fighter limped back to the carrier. Upon arrival, he reported in and related the event surrounding his return. The film from the gun-camera mounted on his plane told the tale. It showed the extent of Botch’s daring attempt to protect his fleet. He had, in fact, destroyed five enemy aircraft.

This took place on February 20, 1942, and for that action Butch became the Navy’s first Ace of W.W.II, and the first Naval Aviator to win the Congressional Medal of Honor. A year later Butch was killed in aerial combat at the age of 29.* His home town would not allow the memory of this WW II hero to fade, and today, O’Hare Airport in*Chicago*is named in tribute to the courage of this great man.

Butch had integrity: Doing what was right when no one was watching

So, the next time you find yourself at O’Hare International, give some thought to visiting Botch’s memorial displaying his statue and his Medal of Honor. It’s located between Terminals 1 and 2.
SO WHAT DO THESE TWO STORIES HAVE TO DO WITH EACH OTHER?

Butch O’Hare was “Easy Eddie’s” son.

Things to remember:

Actives do not forget what you do

At Arkansas, if you did not make your grades, we voted whether or not you got to pledge second semester

Plan your weekend before it starts

Plan your date before it starts. Remember you are dating some one elses wife

Who you are when no one is around is most likely who you are really

Be who you are and not fake it to look cool in front of the actives

Find some one to keep you accountable

One of you can spoil it for all of us by your choices

Ex. Dexter decided to go public with his testimony and he had his best game ever when it went on line

Just like Dexter; Kendric and Devon

I believe there is a direct correlation with them making decisions and being blessed

But today I want to talk to you about the reality that sometimes the rewards don’t always come immediately

But before I do that, I have two stories I want to share with you then we will talk about Joshua

Just like Butch, Joshua made the right decisions when no one was watching but he also did exactly what God asked him to do.

Joshua 6

Galatians 6:9  And let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we shall reap if we do not grow weary.

Physically Position ally eternally and specifically

Found in Easy Eddies pocket:

“The clock of life is wound but once, and no man has the power to tell just when the hands will stop, at late or early hour. Now is the only time you own. Live, love, toil with a will. Place no faith in time. For the clock may soon be still.”

Are you tired of doing what is right?

-remember Joshua had to wait for the promised land. It did not come immediately

Butch had integrity: doing what is right when no one is watching

Are you doing right,  right now?   Rember the poem that was found in Easy Eddy’s pocket

Is there anything in your life that is keeping you from giving God control of your life and living for Him?  For easy eddy, it was the big house, the servants and the nice cars. But in the end he was willing to give it all a way for his son.

Let me pray for you

During this talk, I share around 10 stories of fraternity guys at Ole Miss and around the nation who have either been killed, served jail time or experienced real set backs in life because of poor decision making. You could tell stories of guys locally and if you email me then I can tell you some of mine.

Week 1: The purpose of pledgeship

Objective:

To understand the difference between living a life of significance vs. success

(Men can make lots of money but do nothing of significance)

To define what a true Manhood looks like

More and more today, our culture is lacking men who understand what it means to be a man.

When do you become a Man?

I have killed more than 100 deer, 40 turkeys and I can prove in a court of Law that I have had sex at least 3 times because I have 3 kids but does that make me a man?

Studies show that when men go to college they are transitioning from childhood to boyhood and they will not mature into adulthood till their late 20’s. This of course delays a lot of qualities that come with manhood.

For the sake of my illustrations today, I want to address you as men, even though our culture today describes you as looking more like will Feral and Adam Sandler

Show the pic or talk about the picture of the flag raising at Iwo Jima. 6 men are seen in the picture, what you may not know is that at the time they raised the flag, 16,000 Japanese soldiers were still on the island. It would take around a month to secure the island and less that 100 would surrender. Only one of the men that raised that flag went on to have a normal life and a healthy family. His name was John Bradley. 3 of the men were killed on the island. One drank himself to death not dealing with all that he had seen.  *I am not so concerned about how you began, but how you will finish. How you will finish in college and in life.

Ok So far I have been taking about the problem, here is a solution:

Here is how I define a True Man:

A true man rejects passivity

Accepts responsibility (for himself and others)

Leads courageously

He invests in younger men around him to do the same

1. A true man rejects passivity

Augustine (3^rd 4^th century Theologian said our natural tendency’s laziness and that we have to overcome laziness to do good.

I give personal example of each point.

More and more we are seeing men act like children and not take responsibility for their actions.  Ex. Phi Delt falls down in back yard and his parents sue the chapter and they loose their charter (U of Arkansas)

At UVA, a girl claims to be rapped by several guys in a chapter and the university shut down the entire Greek system pending the investigation.

2. A real man accepts responsibility for his actions, to take care of his pledge brothers and accepts responsibility to be an active brother one day in this chapter.

3. A real man leads in this chapter

4. As you become an upper classman a real man invests in younger men.

But are you becoming the type of man and developing the type of character that can invest in younger men?

What type of man to you want to become? You can not become what you are not becoming.  The man you are in college, most likely be the man you are in life.

The 2 lives mentality is a myth. You can not live one way and end up living life another way.  My neighborhood is full of upper middle class former Greek guys who thought the same thing and now most of them are on their second and third marriages.

In closing I say:

I want you to be men who live lives of significance

I want you to be men who cherish and protect your wives

I want you to be men who do not look back with shame and regret about college and finally, I want you to be men who finish well.

Remember: What type of man do you want to become? You can not become what you are not becoming

** We divide the pledges into small groups or “squads” and have one to two squad leaders lead a 20 minute discussion after my talk.

Here are some of the questions you can ask:

Why did Isaac stress living a life of significance is more rewarding than a life of success? What do you think he means by that?

What would it look like to reject passivity during pledgeship?

What would it look like to reject passivity in being an active brother in this chapter?

What would it look like to lead courageously in this chapter?

What are a few pitfalls in your life that if you do not work on them or change, they will hamper your ability to invest in the younger guys one day. And may even hamper you in being respected by your brothers?

What about Isaacs’s thoughts on the man you are in college is the man you are in life? Or his thoughts on you can not become what you are not becoming. Agree or disagree?

**Remember, if you are leading a small group, the group will only open up as much as you are willing to be vulnerable. Also, the actives are instructed to tell the pledges that this is a safe environment. What is said in this group stays in this group.

Additional thoughts if you want to add them to the talk:

There have been some key events over the past 200 years that have gotten us into crises of understanding what a real man is and what does he look like.

Authentic manhood.com is the website that promotes the 33 series

The men at 33 identify 3 things that have happened in our past in America and have cultivated our current reality. Racism; Industrial Revolution and the Wars. Two things have resulted Feminism: Girls not trusting men because they have been hurt by them. And one of the most resent results of these things in our culture is producing what scholars are calling Prolonged Adolescence. Men putting off the responsibilities of manhood and living like boys.

Now before I share a definition of manhood and challenge you

I want to address some of the current realities that face us as men in fraternities on today’s campus.

These things were not around 25 years ago:

1. Video Games: some of us spend hundreds of hour’s weekly playing video games

The Universities are growing more and more tired of the Alcohol abuse in Frat houses and they are beginning to respond accordingly

2. We have become a society that does not want to take responsibility for his or her actions but hold other individuals or groups responsible
3. Social Media: The rise of social media is a good thing but can be abused and there are consequences. Ex. Disgruntled sig cut and pasted a post a sig made on a “protected sig site” and posted it publicly. Internet Porn becomes an addiction that we will take into our marriages and it can destroy a marriage and it does destroy the way we view women.

The rise of internet Porn and childish boyish movies have caused us to be more passive in leading women and caused them to feel the pressure to be more aggressive and give their bodies away. This trend has resulted in rise in eating disorders; unwanted pregnancies and a dating “system” that literally destroys our view of a healthy marriage. I have heard it said that porn generates more income than revenue made from all sporting events

I tell frat guys all the time that you can not live like Hell; constantly raise hell and not expect your life to one day be a living Hell. The odds are that your marriage will end in divorce and some one else will raise your kids.

Verse on childhood: Paul

4. The Universities over all lack of trust in the Greek system. Example: Phi Tau posts advice last week at Georgia Tech about how to get a girl drunk to take advantage of her
5. Cell phones: They are not bad in of them selves but they can be used by your parents to “helicopter” over you. As men you need to break out from under parental control and become a man
6. Male Passivity: As men have grown more passive, women in turn have grown more aggressive and throw themselves at us and are willing to even lead men. But this is not how we were created. If women have to lead us then they will grow resentful and not respect us –which is one of our deepest needs

Men, these factors as well as others have led the culture around us today to describe you as boys who are extending adolescence.  Even though we live in the most media connected culture in History, studies show that many of you feel isolated, lonely and are afraid to take on the responsibility of being men

Talk one: Defining a Gentleman   Small group discussion questions

What would it look like to reject passivity during pledgeship?

What would it look like to reject passivity in being an active brother in this chapter?

What would it look like to lead courageously in this chapter?

What are a few pitfalls in your life that if you do not work on them or change, they will hamper your ability to invest in the younger guys one day. And may even hamper you in being respected by your brothers?

Why did Isaac stress living a life of significance is more rewarding than a life of success? What are significant things we can do in this fraternity?

What about Isaacs’s thoughts on the man you are in college is the man you are in life? Or his thoughts on you can not become what you are not becoming. Agree or disagree?

Manhood outline pledge talks

*We started teaching this series three years with the goal of providing a more balanced pledgeship of learning and then breaking up into small groups and processing each talk. These talks are given by alumni each Monday night during pledge meetings. If you are interested in a more thorough outline and content of each talk then please call are email me at : Isaac.jenkins@cru.org 662-6072400

Talk 1: The purpose of pledgeship

The definition of Manhood: What does it mean to be a man?

A true man: rejects passivity (rejects the temptation to be lazy),

Accepts responsibility (for his own actions, how he treats others and the Chapter) and leads courageously (Is actively involved in the chapter; actively involved in his community and how he leads his family)

and invests back into younger men.

I identify 5 things that have changed since I was in college.

I have a large picture of the flag raising of Iwo Jima and point out that 6 men raised the flag but only one of these men went on to live a healthy life and finished well. That becomes one of my main final points. How will you finish?

Talk 2: A man and his decisions.  

In this talk we tell the pledges that before college; his decisions only affected him, his friends, his siblings and his parents. But once he pledged this fraternity, his decisions not only affect the whole fraternity in which he pledged, but has an affect on the entire Greek system. Preston Lee did this talk last Fall.

Talk 3: Growing in Character and Integrity

Who are you when everyone is watching?  Who are you when no one is watching?

In this talk I tell the story of “Easy Eddie” and Buch O’hare.

* I have the talk notes for this talk

Talk 4: A man and his woman

In this talk I contrast the advice King Solomon gives his sons. I contrast the loose woman in Proverbs 7 with the Proverbs 31 woman.

I end up asking the men what type of woman do they want to marry then ask them if they are becoming the type of woman that deserves that type of woman. You can not become what you are not becoming.

Talk 5: How ought we to treat the women ?

A man and his woman:  Maybe this could be under the heading a man with a congenial disposition because I will talk about how to treat a woman

-We are called to provide, protect and yet most men are more like preditors

Talk 6:  A man and his money

In this talk we look at the importance of taking responsibility for how you manage your finances as a student in the fraternity and in life.  Jeff McManus, who is over our landscaping at Ole Miss gives this talk. I will be getting his notes soon.

Talk 7: Having a deep since of Personal responsibility

What does The complete Fraternity man look like?

Living a well balanced life, a life of significance

Sigma Chi manhood part 1

Current realities, nationally with Greeks

1. I phone
2. Gaming
3. Internet
4. Social Media
5. Field parties are a thing of the past
6. The University’s role in handling Alcohol in Greek houses has changed
7. The helicopter generation has produced parents/kids not willing to assume responsibility for their decisions

Thursday/Fridays to face time

Names of other staff working with Greeks

2 tools:

Greek.legacy.com

6 part series on manhood

Gracechurchsc.org  4 pillars of a woman